Good Elf Gone Wrong Alina Jacobs ~ Comedy, Contemporary Romance, Romance, RomCom ~ @AlinaJWrites @XpressoTours

Good Elf Gone Wrong
Alina Jacobs
Publication date: November 14th 2023
Genres: Adult, Comedy, Contemporary Romance, Romance, RomCom

When you catch your fiancé cheating on you with your sister on Christmas Eve, the elf hat comes off.
I’ve always been the good girl—the anti Scrooge—the one who sacrifices for her guests, bakes cookies for her neighbors, and stays late after a party to clean up.
I don’t mind. I like being on the nice list.

I kept smiling when I caught my fiancé coming down my sister’s chimney on Christmas Eve.
I gave polite congratulations when they got engaged on Christmas morning.
And I even offered to help decorate for their holiday wedding despite the fact that was supposed to be my dream wedding.

But when my sister cuts up our great-grandmother’s one-hundred-year-old wedding dress and turns it into a skank show, even though that was the dress I was going to wear on my wedding day?
Well, this elf is torching down the North Pole.

And what better way to get revenge than giving those cheaters a taste of their own medicine?
This good elf is bringing the bad boy home for Christmas.
Hudson is a six-foot-five, coldhearted, tattooed bad elf with a perpetual sneer and washboard abs.
He’s exactly my sister’s type.
And he’s going to help me nuke her wedding from orbit on the night before Christmas.

What he is not supposed to do is grab my ass in the kitchen while I bake gingerbread.
Or crawl in my bed half naked.
And he’s definitely not supposed to smirk and tell me to commit to our fake relationship right before he goes down on me.

Guess there’s a reason the good elves stay far away from the bad.

Good elves of Christmas unite! We’re ogling the tattooed chests of shirtless bad boys, baking massive amounts of cookies, drinking all the wine, and trying to survive recently divorced grandmothers who have a pathological obsession with our love lives. This standalone holiday romantic comedy has all the Christmas cheer you can fit in your stocking and a happily ever after, guaranteed!

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Read an Excerpt:

Knitting clutched in my hands, I turned to the bad boy sitting next to me.

“Do … um …” I cleared my throat. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

His finger paused on the page he was turning. He fixed those pale-silver eyes on me, a dusty gray like the winter sky.

“No. Why? Are you offering?”

“Sort of. See, I kind of need to break up my sister and her boyfriend. She’s dating my ex. He’s a jerk. It’s complicated. But I need you to be my boyfriend so I can ruin her wedding. I don’t know if you do that type of work?”

I smiled hopefully.

The book closed with a loud thud.

He looked angry.

“Er, never mind,” I squeaked and held up my knitting. “I’ll get started on those baby socks. Forget I said anything.”

But he didn’t go back to his book.

“So you want a fake boyfriend.”

“Um, yeah. I mean that was the plan. But plans change …”

Those ghostly eyes still locked on mine, he leaned over, his huge body crowding my space.

I scrunched against the window.

“You sure you can handle it?” he asked in a deep, gravelly voice. He smelled like leather and the winter wind.

No. No, I don’t think I can.

I swallowed. The empty Advent calendar was digging into my side.

“Yes,” I squawked.

“Prove it,” he said, his breath cool on my cheek.

He twisted out of his jacket, the ridges of muscle under the tight gray T-shirt flexing and rippling as he shrugged off the garment.

“Give me a hand job.” The baritone voice deepened. “I have my jacket on my lap. No one will know. Just go for it.”

My eyes were about as big and round as Pugnog’s and ready to pop out of my head.

“Unzip my fly,” he breathed against my mouth, “and stroke my cock.”

My stomach was flip-flopping. The air between us was supercharged, and my skin felt tight and prickly.

“I-I can’t,” I stammered.

He huffed out a laugh, smirked, and pulled his jacket back on, the leather creaking.

“Thought so.” He sat back in his seat and opened up his book. “You’re weak. You have an elaborate revenge plan all mapped out, yet you clearly can’t handle having a fake boyfriend.”

Meet the Author:

If you like steamy romantic comedies with a creative streak, then I'm your girl!

Architect by day, writer by night, I love matcha green tea, chocolate, and books! So many books…

Sign up for my mailing list to get the free novella, AFTER HIS PEONIES, along with special bonus content, giveaways, and more!

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The Art of Awkward Affection by Alina Jacobs ~ Comedy, Romance #RomCom @AlinaJWrites @XpressoTours

The Art of Awkward Affection
Alina Jacobs
Publication date: September 4th 2023
Genres: Adult, Comedy, Romance

I admit it was me who shouted, “Looking good, hot stuff!” at Mr. Richmond this morning, but I didn’t mean it like that.

Yes, Mrs. HR Lady, I know how it looks. Believe me, I am totally anti-catcalling, but that’s not what that was. Honest. I was paying him a compliment!

That’s kind of what I do: I’m a proud, small-town Floridian, and Manhattan is craving some Florida sunshine—nothing like a sincere compliment to turn those New York frowns upside down!

Grayson Richmond needs some positivity.
Have you seen how grumpy he is?
Sure, he’s the big boss, but I’m always at his house, so we’re kind of, well, not friends, that would be awkward, but like…
Okay, so no, I didn’t actually meet him until today. I only go to his penthouse to drop off the dry cleaning…

Wait, I’m sorry, he felt threatened? Are you kidding me?
I’m dead broke, my fashion style is Disney adult, and I’m five feet tall when I stand up straight. I’m twenty-three and look like I’m twelve. People constantly stop me and ask me if I lost my mommy.
Grayson is six foot five, one of the richest men in Manhattan, and literally owns multiple city blocks and two of the tallest skyscrapers in the city, which is, by the way, totally a phallic calling card.

Yes, I understand that Mr. Richmond takes these matters very seriously.
No, I’m not making a mockery of this company or of him.
Yes, I will return to my duties as Mr. Richmond’s lowly assistant of the assistant to the secretary.
No, I’m not being snarky. Believe me, my credit card debt and I are very happy to have this job.

Also, I hate to ask, but Mr. Richmond didn’t say anything about the notes of positive affirmation in his underwear drawer, did he?
It wasn’t anything awkward like “I want to bang you.” Because, you know, I don’t want to. Not at all.
Is he hot? Washboard abs, that jaw, those hands—phff yeah! After all, my momma didn’t raise no liar. But I’m not going to like, tell him, because that would be weird.
Wait, what? He wants to see me in his office? Now? Like now now?
Gulp!

This is an enemies-to-lovers, grumpy New York billionaire boss versus Florida-sunshine assistant, stand-alone romantic comedy! If you like cupcakes, sparkly stickers, and hot guys in suits whose rigid routines get a hilarious shake-up, this book is for you! Happily ever after guaranteed!

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—

Read an Excerpt:

I picked up the mug of black tea and tried not to stare at the buttons that were threatening to pop on Lexi’s blouse and let her t*** spill out.

I took a large swallow of the scalding-hot water.

“You two are harshing his snarly, self-important, condescending vibes. It’s the gestapo up in here. A man can’t even cuss out his own assistant in peace. Shoo!” Lexi waved away the two older women. “Can’t you see you’re smothering him? Some people,” she said to me, cupping a hand to the side of her mouth.

“Can we please fire her?” Anthym shrieked.

“But then who will sort our dear leader’s underwear?” Lexi asked magnanimously.

“You’re not supposed to be touching his underwear.” The HR director was appalled.

“I was folding them Marie Kondo style, to bring joy to Mr. Richmond’s life,” Lexi said primly.

“Oh my god, you left the note,” I said before I could stop myself.

The office was dead quiet.

Meet the Author:

If you like steamy romantic comedies with a creative streak, then I'm your girl!

Architect by day, writer by night, I love matcha green tea, chocolate, and books! So many books…

Sign up for my mailing list to get the free novella, AFTER HIS PEONIES, along with special bonus content, giveaways, and more!

Website / Goodreads / Facebook / Twitter / Instagram / Bookbub

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Book Blitz & #Giveaway ~ Smart Girls Don’t Kiss Aliens! by Alina Jacobs @AlinaJWrites ~ Romance, Comedy, Paranormal Romance ~ @XpressoTours

Smart Girls Don’t Kiss Aliens!
Alina Jacobs
Publication date: May 31st 2022
Genres: Adult, Romance, Comedy, Paranormal Romance

About the Book:

Crash-land on an alien barbarian planet and told there’s no way home?

LMAO! I’m a rocket scientist. Miss me with that noise.

Anyone else might have a nervous breakdown, but I was abducted with my besties. Among us, we have fifteen PhDs.

We will be getting off this planet. Trust.

No, I will not be finding an eternal bonded mate among the seven-foot-tall alien males.

No, I will not be wearing a furkini and walking around barefoot.

And no, I will not be moving into a cave with no internet or running water and accepting my fate like the rest of the freed human women on this craft-cocktail-forsaken planet.

Two liquid hydrogen rockets and a smidge of deep-space travel later, and we’re back home on Earth.

Except that our spaceship had stowaways.

Now there’s a seven-foot-tall alien named Cassius in my Los Angeles condo. He’s explaining calmly that according to the ancestors, we are supposed to be eternally mated, he’s bonded to me, and we’re going to have a litter of children. Also, he’s wearing a loincloth. And he has horns.

Wipe that smirk off your face. No, it is not as sexy as it sounds.

He barked at my cat. He harassed my busybody Karen neighbor (actually, I’m okay with that one). He’s obsessed with the ice maker on my fridge.

What’s a smart girl to do?

The smart thing is to build a rocket ship and send Cassius and his other hot alien friends back to their home planet.

The not-smart thing to do is fall into those deep blue-gray eyes and let him show me just how good that forked tongue feels.

And the downright stupid thing to do is fall in love with an alien.

This is a stand-alone, full-length, laugh-out-loud romantic comedy, complete with bad space puns, hot guys with horns, and enough steam to cause a supernova. Happily ever after guaranteed!

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—

Read an Excerpt:

“Um, okay, so none of this”—I pointed at the guy with horns, the angry pregnant woman in front of me, and the barbarian alien landscape—“is going to work for me.”

“The alien slave ship carrying you and your friends crash-landed on this planet. You have to stay here forever and ever; there’s no way home,” the pregnant woman insisted as she rubbed her belly. “You’re going to bond with a mate and have babies to help repopulate the tribe. Our clan is in desperate need of women.”

The large half-naked horned alien smiled and waved awkwardly to me.

“I’m not repopulating anything,” Erin said loudly. “My people didn’t overcome centuries of oppression so that I can waste my three PhDs on a planet that doesn’t even have indoor plumbing, let alone anything as civilized as a mall. I can’t be trapped on this planet. I have a manicure on Monday. She does Ariana Grande’s nails, and there is a wait list. I’m going to lose my spot.”

“It’s already lost. You all have been in the stasis pods for the last two years,” the pregnant woman said triumphantly.

I tried to focus on how obnoxious the constant belly touching was so I didn’t completely lose it. Two years. Two freaking years?

Mel started sobbing, and I hugged her.

“Poor Bert,” she cried against my shoulder.

“I’m sure someone adopted him,” I consoled her.

“Is that your child?” the pregnant woman asked, mouth softening.

“Bert’s her corgi,” Ellen explained. “She’s a dog mom.”

The pregnant woman rolled her eyes like a twelve-year-old. “Ugh.”

“Hey!” I put my fists on my hips. “We all have jobs and lives, you know. We work for an aerospace engineering company. The US military and NASA rely on us. My cat may or may not miss me, but my plants are for sure all dead.”

“Your plants are dead because you are a horrible plant mom and forget to water them, not because you were abducted by aliens,” Angie hissed at me.

“I have six Birkin bags that need me,” Erin said defiantly.

“Well, you can’t get off this planet,” the pregnant woman snapped. “You will find a male here and fall in love. You will forget your lives as working girls and embrace your place as women of this tribe. You will learn to be happy here just like I am. I fell in love with the chief and now am blessed to be carrying his seed.”

I shuddered.

The chieftain’s mate glared at me. “You will garden, have babies, and cook over an open fire.”

“Kimmie almost burnt her condo down by boiling an egg,” Angie said. “She shouldn’t be cooking anything.”

Meet the Author:

If you like steamy romantic comedies with a creative streak, then I'm your girl!

Architect by day, writer by night, I love matcha green tea, chocolate, and books! So many books...

Sign up for my mailing list to get the free novella, AFTER HIS PEONIES, along with special bonus content, giveaways, and more!
http://alinajacobs.com/mailinglist.html

Website / Goodreads / Facebook / Twitter / Instagram / Bookbub

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