Book Feature, Excerpt, and Guest Post ~ Immortal Divorce Court, Volume 1: My Ex-Wife Said Go To Hell by Kirk Zurosky

Please welcome Kirk Zurosky to the blog today!!

Tell us about Immortal Divorce Court Volume One: My Ex-Wife Said Go to Hell

This book is pure entertainment in the form of the zany adventures of the intrepid immortal vampire assassin, Sirius Sinister, and his vampire Maltese, Garlic. Immortal Divorce Court is perfect for the beach, or sitting in your biggest most comfortable chair with a glass of wine, or your favorite cocktail. It is at its core a novel that is snarky, romantic, sexy, and it will have you laughing out loud.


2. What inspired you to create the Immortal Divorce Court series?

I have enjoyed writing from an early age, crafting stories that always had a healthy dose of fantasy. But, then life and my career as a lawyer got in the way, and I never seemed to find the time to sit down and write. I was also not in the right mental place to be creative. I am a big believer that if you are not where you should be in your life, the universe has a way of making that happen. You may not like it, or even realize it, but I do think you end up where you are supposed to be, and with who you are supposed to be with.

So, after twenty plus years as a lawyer, I went through a divorce which ended up being the best thing for me. Not only did I eventually meet the love of my life, but I also was in the right place to be creative once again. I also realized that I was pretty good at writing love scenes. I guess it is true that you write what you know!

Immortal Divorce Court was born out of these life experiences, and is based on the premise of what happens when an immortal creature of myth makes awful relationship choices. And, he gets taken to Immortal Divorce Court by his slighted paramours, pisses off some powerful entities with his irreverence, and also makes lifelong (really lifelong!) friends on the journey.


3. Tell us more about the main character Sirius Sinister. Why is he so prone to relationship faux-pas?

When the story begins, Sirius is headstrong and naïve. He thinks he is making the proper decisions, but when members of the opposite sex are involved his hormones overrule any vestige of logic and good sense. I think this makes Sirius very relatable to the readers of Immortal Divorce Court. Who among us hasn’t made a bad relationship choice because emotions, or hormones, carried the day, even when it sure as Hell wasn’t in our best interest to do so? He is also very relatable because he repeats relationship mistakes without learning from them the first time. Many of us get in the same patterns with our relationships, and don’t even know why we do what we do. Sirius, however, has to deal with Immortal Divorce Court, so his consequences are far more hellish than most of ours!


4. What was the inspiration for Garlic, the vampire Maltese, in Immortal Divorce Court?

Our family includes our Maltese, Daisy, who was the inspiration for the vampire Maltese, Garlic. Daisy is a small dog with a huge personality, and I am convinced that she thinks that we are there to do her bidding. She has trained us to give her treats, to pet her, and to take her outside whenever she wants to go. If we forget to put her food down, she will let us know that it is not acceptable. She is also sweet and protective, and is one of my favorite people on the planet.


5. What was the most enjoyable part of crafting this book?

I loved writing the dialogue in Immortal Divorce Court, especially when it involved Sirius Sinister and his paramours. Anytime you can write about relationships, and all that come with them, it really lends itself to some humorous and sexy dialogue. When people like each other, and conversely don’t like each other, conveying the characters’ emotions is really an absolute joy to do. Sirius Sinister reacts like a “typical” guy to drama with the opposite sex, which is poorly, and without thinking it through, so the dialogue is real life, and real hilarious. The courtroom scenes have a special place in my heart because writing the lines of Sirius’ lawyer, Maximillian Justice, who says and does things over the course of the series that any lawyer would love to say and do, had me laughing out loud to myself!

 

6. Where can our readers connect with you and learn more about the Immortal Divorce Court series?

I would recommend readers check out my website www.kirkzurosky.com where they can learn about the upcoming books in the series. Immortal Divorce Court Volume Two: A Sirius Education is scheduled to come out in the Fall. Daisy has also been working really hard on her Dog Blog, where you can learn about the books and the self-proclaimed world famous Maltese from her canine perspective. You can also check out the Sirius Sinister™ Gear store. We have come up with some really cool Immortal Divorce Court merchandise. Daisy also has inspired Got Garlic?™ vampire Maltese themed merchandise. I love interacting on social media, and I post frequently on my Facebook fan page – Immortal Divorce Court by Kirk Zurosky, and on Instagram @KirkZurosky. 

About the Book:

Sirius Sinister keeps sleeping with the wrong women. And this time, it’s led to his imprisonment in Hell. Literal Hell.

Immortal vampire assassin Sirius Sinister has a healthy libido that constantly results in bad relationship decisions. But when he’s served divorce papers by Bloodsucker Number One—a shady woman from his past—he realizes there’s a major problem: he was never even married to her, or so he thought. Regardless of the truth, Sirius is put under the jurisdiction of Immortal Divorce Court.

You would think by now he’d know having sex can lead to horrific consequences like marriage, children, and ex-wives—but some habits just won’t die. Leaving his faithful vampire Maltese, Garlic, behind, Sirius travels to court to defend himself with the help of his demon attorney, Maximillian Justice. Unfortunately, the trial quickly spirals out of control, and Sirius is banished to hell for a hundred years.

When Sirius finally escapes, he ends up in the Caribbean where he meets his next paramour: the Howler. After a wild romp with his new werewolf lover under the lure of a full blood moon, he finds himself becoming the father of a litter of pups—but, the Howler and her Pack want to put the dead in deadbeat dad. Luckily, Sirius is saved by the Queen of the Merfolk, who comes with a hidden agenda even as they fall in love. Can he make it work with the Queen, or will he have to head to Immortal Divorce Court once again as yet another relationship flounders?

Book Details:

Print Length: 345 pages
Publisher: Daddy Issues Publishing
Publication Date: April 7, 2020
ASIN: B084ZB88NH

Purchase from Amazon

Read an Excerpt:

I could do nothing but wait for the deputies to return and, hope­fully, free me. I was just beginning to grow a little bit crazy, trading insults with the boil, when I heard footsteps approaching. Through the door came a broad-shouldered figure wearing a traveling cloak as blue as the sky with a large cowl draped over its head. It moved slowly but deliberately, like its knees had suffered many an injury, and stopped suddenly just out of the boil’s range.

“Drat,” said the boil to our mysterious guest. “How did you know to stop just outside of spitting range?”

“I’ve read Bartholomew’s Treatise on Enchanted Boils,” the deep voice behind the cowl said. “Save your pus for a less well-read guest.”

“Who are you?” By this point I’d had so many guests that I was not remotely bothered by my privates being on full display. “Are you a spe­cial warlock envoy of Immortal Divorce Court, sent to try your magic on these accursed chains?”

“Well, Sirius Sinister,” said my guest, “I have actually been waiting a few centuries to make your acquaintance. I grew tired of waiting for you to come to me, so I decided to come to you. And seeing how you have been on the wrong end of a few bad decisions, I figured now was the perfect time.” He drew his hood back, revealing a perfectly clean-shaven head that glistened in the eerie light of the chains. “I am Hedley Edrick, but you can call me ‘the Teacher of Teachers,’ ‘the Master of Masters,’ ‘the Scholar of Scholars,’ ‘the Sage of Sages,’ and yes, you guessed it, I am the most learned creature on this amazing planet of ours.”

“What a cocky cock!” opined the boil.

I smiled wryly. “It is a pleasure to finally meet you,” I said. “I always meant to attend your school at some point in the last two hundred years. But instead I seem to have wandered off onto an all too different path.” I rattled my chains. “Of course, I have been getting some hard lessons all the same, though.”

“So I see,” Hedley replied, his eyes twinkling. “But it is never too late to find the proper path. Sometimes life is like making sausage— the process is not something that is pleasant to look at but ends up as something you really wanted all along.”

“What I really want is to be free from these chains so I can go to Immortal Divorce Court and fight for my girls,” I said, feeling a tear come to my eye, which I fought unsuccessfully to blink back in.

“I will free you from those chains,” Hedley said. “If you promise that you will do just one little thing for me.”

“Anything!” I said. “Just name your price!”

“No matter your result at the IDC, whether you are jailed for a thousand years or are free to live unfettered with your girls, you must promise to come to my school and study for as long as I say,” he said.

“I will,” I said. “Not a problem. Now get me out of these chains!”

“Swear,” Hedley said.

“Shit!” said the boil. “Are we free yet?”

“Fine, I swear, I swear,” I said. “Now come on, Edrick, get a move on, those faeries will be coming back any minute now. I can feel it.”

“Swear also to never give up in trying to find the purest love that lifts your heart up and makes all well with the world.”

Damn, that certainly wasn’t a question I wanted to be asked while chained to a wall with my breeches at my ankles and some strange hooded man in the room. But hopefully, this wasn’t that kind of party.